Dear Julie:
I'm currently going through marital problems. My husband and I have been married a little over a year. He's 27 and I'm 25. We're both Christians, but I have a deeper spiritual level from his. I have a secret place that I go to pray and talk to God. I read his word and pray daily, but I'm dealing with a spouse who can't seem to leave his family and they make it no better as they try to give him a reason to run to them, especially his dad. I feel unloved by my husband who says such mean things, but I know it's not him speaking. It’s the enemy.
We were staying in his parents’ place and argued a lot. He also got physical a few times. But the moment we got on our own place, the atmosphere changed. We were at peace. Still to this day if I go to that house that my husband call his home, the atmosphere changes and we argue and he gets physical. I feel he hasn't truly found God and that house is filled with evil spirits. My husband took his things and left, but I'm trusting in God that he's using this time to heal us both. God hates divorce—he said what he put together let not man put asunder and I'm believing and sticking with that. –Sticking with God
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Dear Sticking with God:
I'm sorry your husband hasn't understood the importance of Genesis 2:24, speaking of marriage, "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh." Until he learns to put you first (as he should), there will be problems. You are dealing with his struggle between the old man and the new man.
It sounds as if his folks are not believers so life at their house will be full of things that would not be pleasing to God. It's okay with your husband until you show up and are a reflection of God's grace. Then he feels guilty and resorts to physical abuse. I think the best thing you can do is to be loving and kind to him but, at the same time, stay away from his parents' house because of the way he acts when you are there. Make him miss the peace and loving kindness you give him, and pray he returns like the prodigal son did.
I'm sure his parents miss their son, but they must learn that his place is with you now. He is no longer a little boy, but a grown man who needs to establish his own home. There's an excellent book I often recommend, and I hope you can get a copy. It's called "Mothers-in-law vs. Daughters-in-law: Let there be peace" and it's by Elisabeth Graham. Hang in there. Do what you can and then trust God to work things out for you.
God bless you, Julie
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