Dear Julie:
My family is in turmoil. My son got married last year and his wife doesn't like me, his dad, or his sister. She suffers from cat allergies. She is on auto immune therapy and also allergy shots. We are not allowed in their home because we own a cat. She told us in order for us to come into their home we must go directly to a separate bathroom and shower and proceed to a bedroom where we must stay during the entirety of our visit there.
We have always been a close family. Our son will invite her parents over for weeks at a time and if we see him we have to meet at a restaurant. Now, she is telling him that she doesn't think we like her.
Julie, we have been overly nice to her. We try to include her in things but, because of our cat she won't come. Let me say this, in the beginning when they were dating, she came to our house and I had two cats at the time. I would shut the cats up in a bedroom and would clean my house thoroughly.
I just don't understand. I have always been close to my son until this and I need to get my family back together. I do pray about it because I am strong in my faith. Please any suggestions will be greatly appreciated.
–Praying for my Daughter-in-law
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Dear Praying:
Always breaks my heart when I hear things like this and, sadly, it's all too common. Your daughter-in-law sounds insecure and is testing your son in order to prove to herself that his love for her is more than his love for you. Often this happens in families where a son is devoted to his parents.
If you get the opportunity, express to her that you both love the same man--but you understand that, as his wife, her needs come first. Assure her you are not trying to hang on to him or put a wedge between them.
I don't see that there's a lot else you can do except pray for your daughter-in-law and continue to be loving and supportive. I CAN recommend a book you might find encouraging while you wait on the Lord to work in this young woman's heart. It's called Mothers-in-Law, Daughters-in-Law--Let There Be Peace by Elisabeth Graham. It's one of the best books I've read on the subject.
A friend of mind is experiencing similar treatment and I know one thing--if you let it fester, you will only make yourself more miserable and the situation worse. Somehow draw on the Lord's strength and do not let yourself become bitter against the wife of your son and the mother of your future grandchildren.
God bless you. Julie
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